I have discovered so many attributes about myself in the last three years and they all relate to my brain and mental health…I have ADHD, anxiety and depression, I’m an introvert but have extrovert abilities and an outside-the-box mindset, I’m a Highly Sensitive Person…oh, and I have a tendency to become addicted to everything that gives me pleasure.
Pleasure is a wonderful thing!
The feel of it can make a person want it, crave it, think about it, seek it, rationalize it, abuse it…and die for it. This part of pleasure is not so wonderful, yet some of us take a long time realizing it. Some of us, never learn this and are not capable or willing to quiet the relentless voice of pleasure.
I did. For now, anyways. My voice is pretty quiet now, after three years of noticing, understanding, and breathing through this voice. My pleasure is mostly balanced. I walk. I walk and breathe and walk and breathe. I walk and breathe until this incessant voice is silenced.
I remember the voice started in the back recesses of my brain and travelled down through my body-it spread to every part of me. The voice of pleasure can sound so loud! It drowns out all other sounds. The noise of it is deafening, if listened to. The sight of this voice is ugly. A black mass of ugliness. It’s blinding. The taste of it lived in the base of my throat and it was fierce and created a bitterness on my tongue. It had a smell so strong and putrid. The feel of this voice is the worst. It threatens to destroy. I never want to feel the feeling of this voice again.
So I breathe.
I walk and breathe and write. I notice other feelings. Better feelings. I notice other sounds. I notice the sound of birds. The sound of laughter and children, animals and nature. I notice sights. Beautiful sights, colors so vivid and sights with simple, perfect details. I notice tastes. Fresh, juicy, lively flavors. I notice smells. Smells that are sweet, salty, and savory.
My feelings of want are balanced. My feelings of need are few. My feelings of pleasure are healthy. My feelings of too much pleasure are silent.
Tracy Bryan is a self-published author for kids aged 4-12. She writes whimsical picture books about emotions, self-esteem, coping skills and mental illness. Tracy has several non-fiction books about ADHD and one about HSP. She also has a series of books about addiction for kids and is currently working on her debut fiction picture book. Please visit Tracy's website tracybryan.com or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org