My name is Gila, I am 24 years old and I am pleased to express that I am a survivor of extreme anxiety and depression. I never really thought It was possible to fall into such a deep hole of sadness where there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like you are trapped in a downward spiral of negativity and there is nowhere to go and no way to get out. Everyone always said to me, “you will see the light at the end of the tunnel,” however, I never saw it…it did not exist in my world.
There were 5 months of my life where life, happiness and pure joy seemed unimaginable. Everyday felt like an eternity. If you have ever experienced what I experienced, you would know that it is very difficult to sleep, eat, smile, or even have the slightest insightful conversation with anyone. In this time of my life, I barely saw or spoke to any of my friends, family or co-workers. As most people know, I am an EXTREMELY outgoing, happy, and personable individual who only wants the best for everyone. I am always trying to help everyone else, and just want to see the world a better and happier place. It is unbelievable how the person I am describing could have become so lost in a totally different world.
My story begins at the end of Summer 2015. The beginning of September was extremely difficult for me. I decided to drop out of school, not because I couldn’t do it, but because my mind was not in the right place. It was unclear, fuzzy and consistently blurry. This was the start of my downward spiral. Although I dropped out of school, I was able to maintain my part time job at a boutique that I thoroughly love. The staff are wonderful and the owner is one of the most amazing and inspirational people I have ever met in my life. They noticed a severe change in my behavior and started to feel quite concerned for my emotional and mental well-being. I supressed my feelings and made as if nothing was wrong, until one day I ran into the back room and started hyperventilating with tears streaming down my face. All I could hear were the voices in my head saying, “Tomorrow is a new day”, which was extremely difficult to comprehend at that time. I just have to say a major thank you to my dear co-workers at this boutique because they stood by me in one of the most severe downfalls in my life. They are truly incredible ladies and I could not be happier that they are in my life to this day.
Time went by, because we all know, time does not stop for anyone. You have to keep going and hope for the best. By the time December hit, things were rough. My family became concerned, and it took a toll on their lives as well. They weren’t sure what to do or how to react. One person who was always there for me minute-by-minute and day-by-day was my mom. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without her. I actually commend her for going through this rough patch with me because, I know it was definitely not easy. She is my role model, best friend and the most incredible mother I know. I am so grateful and appreciative to have her in my life. This past December I reached rock bottom. There was no light, no hope, no future…everything was falling apart and crumbling into pieces. My family is my rock, they are the people who keep me going. I do not know what I would do without them. They were there for me through EVERYTHING. I don’t think one day went by where my brothers didn’t call me at least once to make sure I was ok. I love them with all my heart. Christmas and New Years were right around the corner…this gave me SEVERE anxiety. I did not want anything to do with these joyful holidays. I had NO ONE to share them with which deeply saddened me. Again, time went by and before I knew it December had finally become my past.
I’m guessing you are all wondering how I am and where I am today. How did I do it? Let me tell you ONE thing. No matter how alone, scared, and miserable you feel…you are NOT alone. There are so many wonderful people in this world who would love to help and be by your side, walking next to you in this crazy and incredible journey we all strive to have. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, even if you don’t know why, they are there for a purpose. I decided I didn’t want to be sad or miserable anymore, I didn’t want to live this way, I don’t deserve to – none of us do. We ALL deserve to live a life of joy where our hearts are filled with unlimited amounts of happiness. Not only did I reach out for professional help, but I reached out to my dear friends who I’m grateful are in my life to this day. In addition, I was hired for a full-time role as a professional recruitment consultant which is a major start in the beginning of my career.
I am thrilled to express that I am stable with all compartments of my life being happy and satisfied. I am also sincerely thankful for all the individuals who stood by me during the most difficult time in my life…you know who you are.
As cliché as this sounds…Believe in yourself and NEVER let go of your dreams. Stars can’t shine without darkness. OH and my all time favourite…you can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.